How to find friends at work & why it matters
Have you ever felt the struggle of making friends at work?
While some subscribe to the philosophy of keeping work and personal life separate, having friends at work is proven to improve your working life. In fact, it can improve your life outside work too.
But the task of making friends as adults can seem daunting, especially in a new role or job. Unless you instantly click with a co-worker, the reality of making friends IRL means putting yourself out there, making yourself vulnerable, and often suffering through some pretty awkward conversations.
The good news? Making friends at work doesn’t have to be difficult. In this article, we’ll share our top tips on how to sharpen your social skills and make friends at work. Spoiler: you need to ‘own’ the awkward.
But first…
The Science: Why work friends matter
Making friends at work not only makes you happier, it can also make you better at your job.
Research shows that social connection is the single biggest driver of our happiness and one of the biggest drivers of our engagement and productivity at work. Even the introverts among us need a level of human connection at work.
Global research by teams of psychologists shows having friends in the workplace is linked to:
Higher job satisfaction and performance
Even a longer lifespan.
When you make friends with your co-workers, you look forward to going to work and feel more motivated and productive.
And when you don’t connect with your co-workers, the opposite is true. It can lead to feelings of negativity in your job and a loss of motivation, leading to you becoming less productive or even burnt out.
How to make friends at work
Think of making friends at work as an opportunity to develop your interpersonal skills, which will help you in every part of your career. After all, making new friends requires the interpersonal skills of communication, empathy, listening, resilience, adaptability, and more
Here are six tried-and-tested tips to help you strike up new connections and make friends at work:
1. Do the small talk.
It might seem painful, but a bit of small talk goes a long way. Simply asking someone what they did over the weekend can reveal a lot about their life and will lay the groundwork for more conversations.
You’ll be able to ask follow up questions about their kitchen reno, what they thought about the last episode of Ted Lasso, or that marathon they’re training for.
Small talk means working on being a good listener — an interpersonal skill worth pursuing. Try to approach each conversation thinking, “This person can teach me something.
The other secret to successful small talk? Own the awkward. You’ll need to muddle through a few awkward conversations to get to know people better, so embrace it.
2. Eat lunch in the breakroom.
It’s tempting to eat lunch at your desk or head out alone, but you’ll be surprised at the connections you can make simply by eating lunch in the breakroom. Embrace the chance to flex your social skills. Then, once you make a connection in the breakroom, bite the bullet and ask if they want to grab lunch or coffee outside the office one day.
You can even bribe people to like you with brownies. No seriously, bringing in some treats for people to share in the lunchroom is a great way to start conversations. And you know what they say, food is the way to our heart!
3. Learn names, and use them.
Learning and using someone’s name is a powerful thing. It shows people that you care and want to get to know them. Don’t stop at your coworker’s name – learn the name of their kids, partner, dog, pet lizard…
4. Be a joiner.
If your work has any clubs, groups or committees, get involved. There might be volunteering opportunities, work-related committees, sports clubs – whatever appeals to you, make the effort to get involved. Every group you get involved in is a chance to develop your personable skills in a new way.
This will help you find similarities with your coworkers, which can be a launching point for deeper connections.
5. Lean in
Put all of your attention in the conversation. Look the other person in the eye, lean in, and whatever you do – don’t look at your phone. Studies show that simply having the phone visible reduces the sense of closeness, connection, and quality of a conversation.
This is all about using your soft skills to communicate with impact. Listen, listen some more, and then check for understanding.
6. Take your time.
Be patient – workplace friendships don’t form overnight. Research shows that it takes around 50 hours with someone to consider them a casual friend, and at least 200 hours before you might consider them a close friend. With time, you’ll be able to strengthen your relationships at work and enjoy the benefits.
Over to you
Now you’re inspired with some ways to make friends at work, go forth, own the awkward, and make new connections. Remember, the reality is you won’t get along with everyone at work, but that doesn’t mean you need to grin and bear them.
Hungry for a little more?
Read our article on how to work better with colleagues, or our popular piece on micromanagers, bulldozers and bullies: how to handle a jerk at work.
Ready to sharpen your social skills? Simply download the Hodie app to get started today, or explore our broader menu of Maxme Products & Programs for organisations and individuals alike.
Prefer to talk through your options? Simply contact us at any time.